They must have been colorblind.

I’ve heard it said that good things come in threes. Though I might argue that whoever said it obviously hasn’t seen the bathrooms in our new house. If by “good” you mean that they are located inside the house and the plumbing (mostly) works, then fine, you win, they are good. Beyond the obvious benefit of indoor plumbing though they are complete FREAK SHOWS.

Behold…..

Bathroom #1

That box of tissue comes in handy every time I burst into tears over this color scheme.

Notice how the previous morons owners decided it might be kind of cool to pee in a room that Satan decorated. I’m kind of surprised that they didn’t add a red toilet to complete the full effect.  (Though if memory serves, the washer & dryer that used to be here were a lovely shade of Beelzebub Bordeaux.)

Redrum

This bathroom is located on the first floor of the house which basically ensures that any guests who come to visit never have the urge to visit the second floor.  Lucky for them. If they decided to stay in the guest bedroom upstairs they would have to use

Bathroom #2

#2 indeed

This bathroom almost leaves me speechless. Seriously. Pink toilet and sink? Walls the color of your grandfather’s colon? And that floor. I can’t even talk about the floor.

And wouldn’t you agree that the broken window adds the perfect touch to a space that was clearly decorated by crack whores?

The neighbors must have started throwing rocks at the window when they saw this decor from the road.

I still need to hang a shower curtain in this room but am having a hard time finding one that won’t clash. It seems none of the stores around here carry Martha Stewart’s Ghetto Collection.

I just can't seem to scrub the pink out.

I can’t look at this any longer.  Let’s just move on to Bathroom #3, shall we?

Visually the master bath is probably the least offensive of the three but from a functional standpoint it’s a complete nightmare. It has wall and vanity cabinets to stash big items like bulk packages of toilet paper but there are no drawers or medicine chest to tuck away small items like bandaids, hairbrushes and Q-tips. This would only be a minor inconvenience if everything else worked in here.

Unfortunately, nothing does.

There’s no hook on the back of the door for my bathrobe so as a temporary solution I grabbed an over-the-door hanger out of my toolbox and did what its name suggests….hung it over the door.  And now the door doesn’t close.

The other morning I reached out to grab my bath towel and the wall mounted bar on which it hung clattered to the floor making a such a racket that Whiskey and Twyla went scrambling for the hills.

And see this giant patch of loveliness in the corner?

I've seen better paint jobs on hookers.

There’s no overhead fan – so moisture from the shower gets sucked right into the walls causing the paint to peel.

I suspect the dysfunctional nature of this bathroom provided the inspiration for the color choice since blue is supposed to be calming. Don’t they paint the walls of the looney bin blue to keep the patients docile? Indeed – blue walls and valium.  That’s pretty much all we need around here.

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